20 Jan Meet Alexandra Fenwick – Funeral Celebrant
If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you have just lost someone you love, and for that, I am deeply sorry. It would be an honour and a privilege to help you at this time.
For many years, I worked in London as a journalist. Then, in 2012, I took a drastic change in direction and started working as a funeral director in Brighton. I loved the work, and felt very fulfilled helping families at a difficult point in their lives.
Then one day, I was the funeral director on a service where the booked minister didn’t turn up. I stepped in and delivered the words. It was all a bit pulled together and stressful, but it did plant a seed – could I do this more permanently?
Fast forward a year, and I moved home to my native Stockport. By the end of 2014, I had established myself as a celebrant in and around Greater Manchester.
I should add that during this time, I became a Christian. My faith very much informs my work, and although I don’t conduct overtly ‘religious’ services the way a vicar or priest would, I do try to infuse what I do with the love, respect and empathy of Jesus. The Bible says he comforts us in order to make us comforters (2 Corinthians 1:3-4), and I have found this to be true.
These days, 12 years on from that first service at Manchester Crematorium, I feel like I have won the lottery to do the work that I do. Of course, in a perfect world, nobody would be bereaved and need my services. But, as sadly that is not the case, I take great satisfaction in meeting with families and guiding them through the process of crafting the right farewell for their loved one.
The rule is: there are no rules. If you’d like me to write a tribute based on what you tell me about the person you have lost, that is what we’ll do. On the other hand, if you would prefer to deliver the Eulogy, but would like some guidance, we can also do it that way. For far too long, funerals in this country were dull and prescriptive. Happily, that’s not the case anymore, and a huge word is CHOICE. I am merely there, as are the funeral directors, to facilitate what you would like, and how you would like things to go. My role is to support and facilitate your choices.
One of my favourite things about working as a celebrant is finding out about the person whose life we are celebrating. I have always been incredibly curious (nosey!) about people, so I love discovering as much as possible about them. What made them tick? What was their favourite food? Why were they so interested in trains? What made them so confident? What will you miss the most about them?
I have found over the years that families find these conversations incredibly healing and helpful. It’s a chance to put practical matters to one side and reminisce about the person you love. Rather than increasing the grief, I actually see again and again that it alleviates it. More than once, I have left the family visit, prior to the funeral, and been told: ‘You have made this easy, and it sounds strange, but I am actually looking forward to the day now.’
Funerals are undoubtedly sad, but they shouldn’t be frightening. Through making the service as personal and bespoke as possible, I aim to create an atmosphere of warm respect and commemoration for the life we are remembering.